


30 stories - Fenhawke

by tristanclauditis



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: 30 days writing challenge, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Gay, M/M, also it may not be modern au only, can i add tags later? lmao we're about to find out, i SWEAR vael is just a perfect surname, i'm pretty sure the whole Gang TM will end up here anyways, it sounds so beautiful can i take it, may be more dramatic in next chapters, nooo i'm sorry i'm apparently unable to write daily but i'm doing my best, since that'll be 30 stories, spoiler: yes i can, that's a lot and i don't know if modern au will suit each one the best, will be adding tags and characters later if needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23236978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tristanclauditis/pseuds/tristanclauditis
Summary: I am quarantined, angry and depressed and I will spend the time writing gay fanfiction so help me godit started as a regular 30 days challenge as a writing exercise cause I need to remind myself that I, in fact, can write but of course I cannot write daily in my actual state so updates are really irregular; it is also my first work on ao3 so I am not asking for mercy but I may be a bit cranky with site's system
Relationships: Fenris/Male Hawke
Kudos: 19





	1. holding hands

**Author's Note:**

> it's really imperfect but i do know how to write i just.. i just need to relearn it i guess  
> i know i probably jump between different tenses but i need to learn how to stay consisted in english tenses so dtay tuned

Fenris would probably never admit it, but he loves holding hands with Hawke. They started holding hands on a daily basis long before they started to date. That’s just something Hawke does, he likes it. They’d hold their hands while walking and usually while they sat together. Garret likes to play with Fenris’ fingers but he would never hear how much Fenris enjoys it.

He didn’t need to. Garret saw the delight on Fenris’ face every time their hands would touch and an abrupt sadness when they parted. They held hands when Hawke admitted his feelings for Fenris and they held their hands, too, when Hawke said “I love you” first. (he made sure of that)

Since Fenris seemed to like holding hands so much, Hawke decided to start a gallery dedicated to those moments. He spent days searching their and their friends’ phones for photos on which the two of them were holding hands. He even found some other: Merrill’s both hands clenching into Fenris’ trying to drag him towards some cosplayer at a fantasy convention; Varric holding Fenris’ hand high in the air (as high as he could have, taking into consideration just how short Varric is, even shorter than Fenris) with a big smile on his face and a little one on Fenris’, that was when he won the entire group a free meal at a pizzeria’s lottery; there was even a pic from when Allistair was attacked by a dog, Fenris was pressing a cloth to his forearm to stop the bleeding while his other hand was in Allistair’s hand trying to ease their nerves.

Hawke started a folder to put there all of those pictures he found so far. Every time when he could, he would take a photo of his and Fenris' hands together. He kept it all a secret and even asked others to take as many photos as they can. He had so many pictures - mainly of them walking or sitting together. Walking in the park. Sitting in the cinema. Sitting on a sofa. Dancing slowly with their hands together at a party they threw when their new apartment was bought. Dancing slowly at another party just after they finished furnishing their apartment.

After gathering enough images, he started to put them all in a small, black album. Every page would contain one photo along with the date on which it was taken (if possible), some of them had a small commentary written next to it. Most of them were cheesy, a lot of "I love you"s and a lot of "I'm so lucky to be with you"s; some of them provided actual information: "the first couple cosplay" (they cosplayed Bard and Thranduil from _The Hobbit_ ), "the first road trip" (they went to Disneyland), "our first own apartment", "waiting for results" (that was when they sat, hand in hand, waiting for Hawke's driving license test results). Hawke chose a masterpiece taken by Sebastian to be on the front cover of the album - they were at a music festival, Hawke and Fenris both widely smiling and Hawke throwing their hands joined together in the air from the excitement of them seeing the performance of their favorite band. Although the album was already beautiful and Hawke couldn't wait to show it to Fenris, it was lacking one, very important photo. 

At the time, their wedding ceremony was only six weeks away so Hawke decided to wait. Or at least try to... Just in case, Varric confiscated the album in its pre-wedding version. Having seen it, it was obvious how close Hawke was to present it to Fenris precociously. Garret obliged happily to be able to stop thinking about the album when it'll be away from him. 

After losing custody over his album, Hawke was luckily very busy with wedding preparations. Their friends continued to take photos of Hawke and Fenris holding hands (after Hawke's request they started to like it and to appreciate "hoarding memories", as Anders once called it, and they were doing it on a daily basis) so Hawke added a few to the album but it always stayed at Varric's place. He swore to protect it from being revealed too soon. Hawke wasn't sure if he'd be able to trust himself with the album so he was thankful that Varric took over it.

Weeks before the wedding passed unexpectedly quickly due to work Hawke and Fenris had to do. When The Day came, Sebastian (who was proclaimed to be the best photographer in the entire group after he took that amazing photo that landed on the album's cover) had one and only job - to grasp the perfect moment with his camera. 

So the ceremony started. Both Hawke and Fenris decided to walk to the altar together. Since Fenris didn't have a biological family, Garret's mother insisted that she cannot walk her son to the altar (as the only Garret's living parent). Sure, they could have asked someone from the group, which wouldn't be bad at all - they consider everyone in the group to be family despite no blood ties - but it didn't feel _right_. Leandra's idea seemed perfect - the walk to the altar is the walk into their new life as husbands and that's something they felt they should do together.

When the pair was ready, they stood behind guests (the ceremony wasn't big, only the closest friends) and their hands were already together, easing their nerves. Garret found Sebastian in the crowd and asked silently, hoping that Vael could read from his lips, if he remembers to do his job. Sebastian nodded and to affirm that he's ready, he took a photo of two of them standing closely, hand in hand. Garret smiled even wider, squeezed Fenris' hand and asked: "Should we start?".

"Yeah, let's go" he kissed his husband-to-be gently in the cheek and they started to walk towards the altar. 

Sebastian was already there - camera in hand, kneeling before Fenris and Hawke walking, he managed to take a couple of photos. Then he moved to the side and stood where he picked to have the best sight of the altar. Grooms were walking hand in hand as they approached the priest. The vows they exchanged were precise and specific and the priest quickly let them kiss as husbands. So they did. The crowd went wild. All of their closest friends and family were cheering as Fenris and Hawke became their own forever. 

A couple of hours later when Fenris was noticeably tipsy, Garret and Sebastian escaped to another room and looked through pictures Vael took during the ceremony. While skipping through them, Hawke's eyes filled with tears. "Vael, oh my god, they're beautiful" he quickly wiped tears from his cheeks "thank you so much, they're amazing, I can't - "

Sebastian stopped him with laughter. "Hey don't worry Hawke. It was a pure pleasure." He embraced Hawke. "I was more than happy to do it for you."

They had the equipment ready printing a few photos and gluing them to the album was quick. Now it was complete - a beautiful photo of the couple kissing at the altar while holding their hands was the last one in the album. Hawke looked at it, now completed, and felt tears in his eyes, again. "Do you think Fenris is sober enough to get it now?" he asked and laughed with Sebastian.

They hurried to check on Fenris but he seemed okay - tipsy, yes, but still quite sober. Hawke approached him and Varric stopped his story seeing the album in Garret's hands. He winked to Fenris, who was now a bit baffled. "What's going on Hawke?" 

"I know I tend to go on and create those way too long monologues so I'll try to keep it simple tonight because frankly - I think all those past monologues are enough and surely, you know exactly how I feel. I mean - " he caught his breath. "we got married today, didn't we. That's kinda crazy, that's super crazy, you know? I remember, I remember when I first met you Fenris and I -"

"Hawke" Fenris stopped him with a small smile on his lips. "You're lost in thoughts, honey."

"Uh, yeah, you're right, what did I..."

"I mean, I'd gladly listen to you professing your undying affection to me, you know that."

"I do" Hawke was lost, what did he mean to say? "I just... I love you. You know that." he chuckled. "And I love making you feel good. Safe. Happy. I love to see you comfortable with me. With us," he gestured to point to their guests. "And I made something to remember it, forever."

Hawke gave Fenris the album. The room fell silent. Most of the guests that were still sober enough to be aware of their surroundings, were standing around grooms, waiting in anticipation for a reaction. Fenris, baffled as he was, took the album and smiled when seeing the cover. After opening it and skimming through a few pages, Fenris burst out laughing. Hawke looked at him affectionately, happy to see his husband happy. "I love it, Hawke-"

"Oh, about the damn time, isn't it," Anders said with relief.


	2. cuddling somewhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm already starting the fifth draft

They laid on their couch in each other's arms. The apartment around them was silent, the sun behind the curtains slowly setting down. The TV with some cheap rom-com on was muted, the radio was faintly playing. Both Fenris and Hawke were awake, but they were slowly drifting off. It was a long day for both of them. They just got back from a week-long visit to Garret's mother. After their five-hour drive, the whole group of their friends barged into their apartment hosting there a welcoming party. Happy as they were to meet their friends, Garret and Fenris needed their rest. Needless to say, they were both knackered. Merrill, who was taking care of their dog, kept him longer at her place to let them have their peace.  
"Hawke" Fenris interrupted Garret's slow contemplation about the next week's schedule "I'm getting up before we fall asleep"   
Hawke sighed and mumbled something incoherently. He didn't move at all so Fenris untangled his arms and got out of them. Then he kissed Garret in his forehead. "I'll be right back."   
Fenris was determined not to be too lazy that day. He didn't want to regret it the next day so he quickly grabbed plates from the gathering their friends imposed and cleaned the living room. Hawke was already fast asleep before Fenris even left the room.   
An hour and a whole Hozier's album later, Fenris was satisfied with their apartment. Laundry was done, their bags were almost unpacked, food put where it belongs. Fenris wanted to go back to the couch and Hawke's arm, but he was interrupted by Hawke's phone calling. Garret woke up immediately before Fenris could grab the phone and answer the call. "Hey mom, what's up" he sighed. "Yeah I was napping but don't worry... at least I can help Fenris clean now"  
Hawke probably wouldn't fall asleep again after being woke up so abruptly so Fenris left the living room to make tea. He grabbed some already cut fruits and brought it all to the couch. Garret was already done with the call. "Leandra was making sure we're home safe. Do you need any help?"  
Fenris shook his head. "All's done for now"  
They took some time to go through their plans for the next day. They created a rough plan: to go shopping, to bring their dog, Philip, home. Hawke needed to check on his younger siblings, too, who were in the city for the weekend. After that, Fenris went to take a shower and Garret - unable to fall asleep now - started playing a video game, The Spider-Man. Fenris came back soon after and - being energized from the shower - sat in front of Hawke and lay on his chest. Garret hugged him from behind. They stayed like that, cuddling, for the next couple of hours. Fenris only left once to bring more tea and after midnight, he just fell asleep where he was lying, on Garret's chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's the most coherent thing i was able to produce  
> who the hell knows how to write about cuddling without fenris leaving hawke's arms for like, a half of the text  
> it's so bad, it's so bad not choosing the theme sucks


	3. gaming

Playing World of Warcraft was their tradition. They have been doing it for a few years and some of them even joined the group through the game, recruited by Varric to join their guild. They spent many of their evenings playing, the whole group being online.  
"Hey, wouldn't you like to play Minecraft?" asked Varric on their voice chat. "I have an empty server" Guild wasn't doing anything specific at the moment - they just finished one of the dungeons and were trading the items the boss dropped. Only a couple of them were online.  
"Isn't a game for kids, Varric?" asked Anders, to which Varric didn't even bother to reply. The whole group heard as he and Fenris laughed quietly.  
"I'd like to!" exclaimed Merrill "I like Minecraft. I once had this huge pack of wolves, like eight, maybe ten of them, they followed me everywhere..."  
"I'm in," said Hawke and looked above his monitor, at Fenris sitting in front of him and saw him nod "Fenris will play, too"  
"Now you can also tame horses now, too, apparently," Merrill was still going on in her excitement.  
"We'll have a whole herd of them," Varric laughed. "Guys, install remote desktop for Chrome and I'll install it for you, it'll be quicker this way"  
"What's that?" Merrill sounded confused.  
"It will let him take control of your mouse. I use it to help my parents" Anders explained.  
The installation didn't take long. After a couple of minutes, Fenris sent his code on their chat and within the next minutes, Varric installed Minecraft on his computer and Fenris was already on their server. "Hey Hawke, wanna build a house together?" he asked and Garret joined him in search of a place while Varric was taking control of his computer. Merrill started giggling when her computer was the next one to be taken over.  
"Wait I need to record it guys, it looks so funny!"  
When the whole group was logged in, Fenris and Hawke had already chosen where to build their house. Everyone else went there, too, and started to build in the nearest area - they agreed to build a small village together.  
"Fenris, build the house, I'll bring some food," Garret entered the forest next to the village.  
"Hawke, please be so kind and bring wool for our beds, too, huh- oh no, you son of a bitch, back off!" Varric growled. The chat fell silent. "Sorry guys, I hate those zombies."  
"Three pieces of wool for everyone, on it"  
The voice chat was silent for the rest of the day in the game. Every couple of minutes someone would murmur something or cuss at monsters, Varric and Anders mostly.  
"There's a huge deficit of sheep here, you know guys? I have plenty of meat but only three pieces of wool. This forest is huge. I'm going back" Hawke turned around but after walking for a couple of minutes, he wasn't sure where he was. "God, I think I'm lost." he clearly heard the rest of the group chuckle. "Yeah, funny..." He climbed the nearest mountain and looked around. He was able to see only the nearest valleys and nothing but raw forest. "Hey Varric, help me somehow, you know the game," he pleaded, but there was no response. "Varric? Hey, come on, is he afk?"  
"Looks like it."  
Hawke murmured some cuss and kept walking.  
"Fucking hell, I'm dead." he heard Varric. "Leave the keyboard for a minute and those damned zombies-"  
"Hey help me, I'm lost," Hawke repeated, to which Varric snorted loudly.  
"I thought you'd be the first one, Garret. Just type forward slash and warp spawn, it'll take you back to our village"  
"Yeah, cheers..."  
Hawke warped back to the village and after putting meat to the stove and creating the only bed he could've, he left to discover another area. No one was done with their houses anyway, so he had time. It was already the next day in the game (the night was full of cussing until they decided that Fenris will go to sleep on the only bed on the server and the rest will log off for a minute to skip the nighttime) when Hawke found enough wool for everyone's beds.  
"Christ, I have it, it was the last one," he said. "But I swear when the rest joins us, I won't be looking for any more wool, it sucks." He warped to the village, took off his headphones and headed to their kitchen. "Fenris, want me to bring you anything?"  
"Hm, you could make tea. And hurry back, I'm done building." Fenris gestured to his screen to show a huge house he built. He already put the fence on and prepared stalls for animals.  
"It's nice," Hawke admitted. "I'll put flowers in the front, I found some while chasing sheep."  
"Is Hawke afk now? He's dead if something kills him before he's back," said Varric. "I forgot how much this game gets on my nerves."  
"I can't wait to have some animals, it's kinda boring for now," Merrill sighed.  
"Hey Hawke, Varric has kindly offered his service to kill you if you'll die while being afk. And now, he's laughing and tells you Varric to piss off and appreciate his effort."  
"Tell him I will, Fenris, when I have my -" Varric stopped and sighed. "Mines are stupid, I cleared it but died anyway in lava."  
Merrill giggled but stopped when Hawke cussed loudly enough for his voice to reach the microphone without putting on his headphones. He was standing next to his desk, tea still in hand. "Fenris tell those idiots I died while they were having fun. The sun is already down, something got me." He sighed.  
Fenris smirked and repeated the message through his microphone. Varric and Merrill both sighed and murmured something too quietly to be heard clearly over the microphones but there was no response from Anders. "Hey Blondie, you there?"Varric asked. "Hawke just lost our wool to some unnamed creature of the night. Anders, do you copy?"  
"What, yeah, I'm here, I was texting with - Jesus. I am dead, obviously." Anders sighed. "What were you saying, Varric?"  
"Oh, nevermind," he laughed in response. "Minecraft is clearly not the best match for us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i took some inspiration from a fantastic fic called "wicked grace" and made the whole gang nerds because it suits them too well not to use it.  
> also the story's too true, i joined my friends' server today and died right after i gathered this godforsaken wool on this godforsaken server with sheep deficit. needless to say, i'm planning to be back soon, i hate those monsters  
> i know how stale it is now, i need a few days to get back on my feet in writing


	4. a date

"Fenris, you're free on Saturday evening, right?" Hawke interrupted the quiet of their apartment. They were sitting in the living room, Fenris read a book while Garret surfed the internet. It was Tuesday evening, the first one in over a month when they could relax. First, Hawke's mom was taken to the hospital - he had to help his younger, teenage siblings, the situation being horribly stressful for the whole family. Only a few days after, Fenris' team at work started a new, rushed project that took four weeks to finish. Between work, two homes and the hospital, they had so little free time that Merrill volunteered to take Philip, their dog, so that he wouldn't be alone for so long. Leandra was finally home and feeling well so Garret and Fenris could eventually relax.

"What do you have in mind?" Fenris looked up from his book, intrigued.

"We could go out. There's a new restaurant a few blocks from us? Reviews are great." Hawke gestured to his computer's monitor. "We haven't been out for so long, you were busy with your job, I was busy with my siblings... Now that the situation settled, we should relax a bit, right?"

"Is it Italian?" Fenris examined the restaurant's photo on the monitor.

"It is."

"Great," Fenris smiled. "I love Italian wine."

-

The whole week went by pretty quickly. They were both finally free after work, they used this time mostly to relax - they played videogames, caught up with tv series, went on long walks with Philip. Hawke also baked a cake for Merrill and another day, they went to check on Leandra. Needless to say, they were mostly slacking off. 

On Saturday, Fenris took Philip on a hike and Merril joined them. The weather was perfect - the sky was clear, it was warm, but not too warm and the soil was dry. They planned to walk for a couple of hours, do a little picnic at the lake and be back in town in the afternoon. Merrill has recently discovered a new passion for photography so naturally, she carried a camera and wanted to take a photo of everything nice, everything pretty, everything interesting. Frankly, Fenris didn't mind (which came as a little surprise to him, he used to be so grumpy about taking photos, especially in the huge quantity of Merrill's excitement). After receiving the album full of photos of him and Hawke holding hands, he appreciated photography for protecting pleasant memories. Philip was in seventh heaven from the hike and all the attention on him. They were walking lightheartedly, mostly in comfortable silence, sometimes chatting about nothing really important. Philip was goofily running around them, not on his leash. He was well trained, never to leave his owners or to chase someone else. He was, in fact, very energetic, sometimes too much for Fenris' liking but otherwise, he was perfect. Everyone loved Philip - all of their friends, the whole family consisting of Fenris, Hawke, his mother, and siblings. (Fenris lost most of his biological family and lost contact with the rest of it) Everyone who met Philip fell in love with him immediately, too.

Merrill in her excitement was taking many, many photos. There were multiple images of Philip walking with a smile on his face, multiple ones of plants, multiple ones of Fenris and a few selfies, too. "Oh, I just love taking photos, you know, Fenris," she'd say after every couple of satisfying photos and Fenris'd chuckle, glad to see her so joyful. 

When they reached the lake where they wanted to do a picnic to rest, they were already behind the loose schedule they drafted the day before. None of them cared, really. They sat on the grass and ate while looking at photos Merrill took earlier. Philip was napping in a tree's shadow nearby after having drunk a whole bowl of water. 

"Hey, those flowers are pretty, what kind is it?" Fenris said looking at one of the images.

"Oh, Fenris, it's lilac! I love it, white one's so pretty, but I prefer the pink one, I think. Or violet? Wait, I'll show you something..." She started to look through older photos on the camera to find a photoshoot she did the week before. She was photographing Isabela with a huge bush of violet lilac in the background. "Look how flowers match her pretty skin, I love the shade. She's a good model, you know? We had so, so much fun then and photos are really good, do you like them?" 

Fenris knew nothing about photography but photos did look really well. There were no imperfections for his amateur eyes. "I like them, yes. I'm sorry Merrill but shouldn't we go already? It's getting dark already."

"OH, yes, your dinner with Hawke! Sure, I'm sorry, let's go, you're right."

"Don't worry, it's alright," Fenris chuckled. "Hawke can wait, he never gets angry about being late."

They grabbed their things, woke up Philip and left the lake. The path to Fenris' car was not long but a bit steep so waiting till dark was not the wisest thing to do, especially with dinner in plans. While walking, Fenris managed to pick a few lilac flowers. He smelled them, satisfied.

Twilight surprised them halfway. They turned on their phones' flashlights and speeded up a bit, determined to reach the car as soon as possible. One second they were walking steadily and the other, Fenris was on his butt, cursing. His phone fell somewhere on the ground and was lighting him up from below. "Fenris! Fenris, are you okay?" Merrill grabbed him and helped him up. Philip was next to him, licking his fingers.

"I'm okay, I'm fine," he petted Philip on his head gently. When he put weight on his right leg, he hissed. "Fuck it hurts, Merrill. I need to sit." He limped to sit on a stone nearby. He tried to move his feet a little, murmuring one cuss after another. "It's probably twisted, fuck."

"How far is it to your car, Fenris? It shouldn't be that far, right?"

"I don't know." Fenris stood shakily on his left leg but struggled to keep his balance. "I can't walk," he sighed and sat down. "I'll call Hawke, I doubt you could help me walk." Merrill only nodded, too worried. She gave Fenris his phone and sat next to him, petting Philip to ease her nerves while Fenris dialed Garret's number. They were listening to the ringing in silence. The call ended and Fenris quickly dialed another number. "Varric, hey, are you free? Fuck. No, I'll be fine. Enjoy it, bye. There needs to be someone else, right?" He asked Merrill after ending the call.

"I don't know, girls are out of town. You can call Anders?"

"Fuck," he whined. "Yeah I can't call an ambulance, they wouldn't come." Fenris dialed Anders' number and he picked up almost immediately. "Hey, uh. Are you in town? Great. We, uh me and Merrill, we need your help. I can't walk, we're on a hike." Fenris grimaced. "Yes, I'm aware, Blondie. I'm not a fan of you helping me out, too. Okay. Okay, thank you. Come from the south."

Fenris sighed, finally a bit relieved. "He'll come."

-

Anders came. He wasn't happy, obviously. He was even less happy to see Philip, sitting calmly next to Fenris. Merrill was petting him all this time, so the dog was quite happy about the situation. 

"Oh, you're sneaky, I wouldn't come for Philip."

"I know."

They were both angry about the situation, both were grumpy already. Fenris had already taken painkillers while waiting and was feeling dizzy. 

"Great, let's go." 

Anders helped Fenris up. They cussed and slowly walked to the car. Merrill followed, silent from the stress, with their bags on her shoulders. Philip was already ahead of them, sniffing some tree.

It didn't take them long to reach the car. Within half an hour, they were driving already. Merrill drove Fenris' car and followed them to Fenris' and Garret's place as they agreed to go beforehand. They were halfway there when Fenris' phone started buzzing. "Oh, great, dinner," he sighed seeing it is Hawke calling.

"Dinner?"

"I have a date with Hawke. Like, right now," Fenris explained and answered the call. "Hey. I know I'm late, sorry. We'll be there soon. I don't know, twenty minutes?" Fenris looked at Anders and seeing him nod, he confirmed, "Yes, maybe quicker. But, Hawke? I have bad news. No, nothing happened, I just twisted my ankle. I can't walk - yes, that's why I called before. It's okay, Blondie's helped me. It's fine. Don't stress out, Hawke, _please_. I'll be home soon."

"Don't look at me like that! I'm not sprinting there."

-

Hawke was already waiting for them downstairs to help bring Fenris upstairs. He was walking in the circle, subconsciously playing with his fingers. He rushed to open the door the second that Anders stopped the car and hugged Fenris quickly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Fenris struggled out of the vehicle. With Hawke's and Anders' help, he was able to stand steadily. Merrill joined them in the meantime, and once Philip was outside the car, he enthusiastically rushed to greet Garret. They went all up to the apartment, Fenris leaning on Anders and Hawke. He wasn't in pain at the moment, but he was dizzy from the painkillers (he also doubled the doze because he was too frustrated with the pain, what later didn't seem to be that great of an idea). They got upside pretty quickly and sat Fenris on the couch. Philip joined him there and rested his head on Fenris' legs. He stayed there, happy to be petted, which Fenris did automatically. He heard and saw everything like through some fog. Hawke sounded stressed and was talking with Merrill and Anders, which both seemed to be quite calm. They went to the kitchen and Fenris lost sight of them. He sighed, struggled to reach a glass of wine standing on a coffee table and drank all of what was left in there. He sat back, content, and before he knew it, Hawke was back with a glass of water. Fenris drank it, too. Garret also placed a bag of frozen vegetables on his ankle, resting on the coffee table to which Fenris hissed quietly.

"They went home. Anders will give Merrill a ride," Garret said, sitting on a couch. "I also ordered spaghetti after I called so they should deliver anytime. We can watch something if you're feeling alright." He kissed Fenris' head gently. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, just dizzy from the meds. It's clearing out though."

"I'm glad to hear it." Hawke rested his head on Fenris' shoulder. "Are we watching The Alienist or do you want to watch something lighter?"

"It's just fine."

Garret resumed watching The Alienist and after a couple of minutes, their doorbell rang. He got up and was back again in minutes with their food. "I'm afraid that it should be only water for you, though. Don't give me that grimace! I'm taking care of you." Hawke brought food and water to the coffee table and resumed watching. They ate quietly.

"But, frankly, the date itself is really nice," Fenris said. "Although I'd kill for wine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm genuinely pretty happy with this chapter! though i need to work on dialogues, i know. thank you, everybody, for reading it! if you'd like to, i'm more than happy to receive some feedback!


	5. kissing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading guys!!

Fenris was never too affectionate. Sure, he loves some things and sometimes it is clear that he does, just by looking at him. But he got so used to hiding his emotions, that he was often impossible to read anyway. Hawke, being Hawke, tried to fight it, obviously. He loves showing his feelings, expressing just how much he loves and needs Fenris and he regularly uses touch and words to ensure that Fenris has no reason to doubt how much Garret is in love with him.

Sure, it was a struggle. Fenris hated touching when they first met and Hawke genuinely thought he hurt Fenris when he hugged him for the first time. Fenris used to be constantly alarmed, behaving so feral that they heard many comments saying that he's acting like a wild animal. Hawke always fought them seeing how hurt Fenris was to hear it.

With time, he gained his trust and slowly, Fenris felt comfortable enough so that physical contact was no longer a problem. He loved Garret for that - for putting up with his flaws and showing him how kind people can be. Garret never made anything awkward. Physical contact, both platonic and romantic, was natural to him. Thanks to that, it was easier for Fenris to get used to it. After all this time, Fenris learned to like being touched. He loved holding Hawke's hand, to have him near, to feel him on his side. Hugging gave him unexpected comfort and nurtured him on his bad days. Kissing, on the other hand, felt completely different. Kissing made him loved like never before. Kissing was a way of saying "you are mine and I am yours, forever", it was the best feeling Fenris has ever felt. While he hid most of his emotions, it was impossible for him not to show that he loved being kissed by Hawke. Garret, obviously, wasn't blind. He made sure to kiss Fenris regularly. They always kissed goodbye, goodnight and good morning. They kissed to ease each other and to show their happiness. They kissed while cuddling and kissed each other's hands while holding them. They kissed to say "I love you" and to say "I'm sorry".

Hawke, being natural in all things touch-related, didn't mind showing his affection around their friends. And again, he didn't make Fenris feel bad when he needed some time to get used to it. Once he was comfortable, Isabela would joke constantly about the number of kisses they shared, happy about Fenris' progress.

Well, long story short: at some point, it went all to sh^t.

Fenris used to be abused, that was obvious. They saw it in his behavior when they met him - his alarmed eyes, nervous glance, fear of touch and flinching all the time. He didn't speak much and when he did, his voice was quiet. He was constantly slouching, trying not to take up too much space or draw anyone's attention to him. 

Fenris was very warmly welcomed in their group. Sure, Anders is not a big fan of his (and likewise), but there was nothing even he wouldn't do for Fenris. They all considered each other family and Fenris fit in among them very well. That obviously took some time and effort. The process was long and not easy. Fenris, as happy as he was to belong somewhere where people treated him well, had some trouble adjusting to it. Even after he was comfortable enough around Hawke to consider him a partner, he became his own obstacle. It was hard for Fenris to be absolutely sure about anything, especially his feelings. He trusted Hawke and knew clearly that he loved him but his memories didn't cease to haunt him. He couldn't get them out of his head and despite being loved, being treated kindly every day, he couldn't accustom to it.

At some point, it was all too much for him. It was a stressful time. Fenris' therapist was bedridden sick and no one else seemed to fit for a replacement and on top of that, he was unrightfully fired basically day by day. He was a nervous wreck at that moment. He couldn't relax, he couldn't get those irrational, wrong thoughts out of his head. He didn't feel safe, he kept remembering all those hurtful memories. Hawke was hurt to see him struggling. He couldn't do anything, nothing worked. Fenris saw Hawke hurt because of his state so he did the only rational thing he could have thought about - he left.

He didn't have the energy to deal with it all. He just packed his bag early in the morning while Hawke was still deeply asleep. When he was ready, he sat on the bed's edge and caressed Hawke's cheek and kissed him gently. Fenris murmured a quiet apology and got up. He took his bag and left their apartment.

Fenris wasn't away for long, Hawke didn't let him. After two weeks it was all peaceful again. The whole group searched for Fenris, sent their support and helped with everything when he came back home.

Even after the situation settled, even after it improved, even after finally marrying Hawke, Fenris can't forget this specific kiss. After all he's been through, he never felt so bad. It was all so much worse compared to those full of love kisses he shared with Hawke so many times before and after, those kisses that assured him that he's safe and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh it's so sweet, ouch  
> i mean it was but i couldn't sleep and wasn't able to continue this fluff


	6. wearing each other's clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!TW: MENTION OF ABUSE AND MOLESTING please don't read it if that might trigger you due to your experience. it's not much but please stay safe; you can read the first paragraph and then from the fourth.  
> I'm sorry for not writing for those few days. quarantine's hard for me and I had to just whine a bit (i also started learning Korean when I was maniac so that was fun)  
> uh, to the need of the fic I decided that: Fenris' 5'7 (170cm); Hawke, Aveline, and Anders are all 6'1 (185cm); Merrill is 5'3 (160cm); Isabela's 5'9 (175cm) and Varric is just short (somewhere around 5'5? idk). I found a few interpretations of their heights and settled with this one, it suits Hawke's and Fenris's height difference need well. (I'm Fenris' height and my brother is probably around Hawke's height so it makes it easy for me to imagine the difference)

The size difference between Fenris and Hawke is noticeable, to say the least. There's a solid 15 centimeters difference between them and a huge body composition contrast - Fenris being small, slim and Hawke being muscular and heavyset. Amongst their friends, Fenris is one of the smallest, only Merril and Varric are shorter.

Fenris joined the group through Varric. They met when they were fourteen and Hawke with Ander became friends with them, too, during high school thanks to playing d&d together and liking the same things. (Anders would fight everyone saying that he's friends with Fenris - they constantly fight and argue - but despite that, they all considered each other their chosen family) Fenris was very unlucky with his biological family and Varric was the first person he could've trusted or felt comfortable with. Fenris' parents were abusive, his older sister was manipulative and the only person he had felt that could save him turned out to be an obsessive molester. After all that, he jokingly called Varric his savior and he meant it every time.

There was a very intense and scary time in Fenris' family home when he was still in high school. It was the time when he ended the toxic relationship and mentally he felt worse than ever. His parents fought with him much more frequently, his sister was using him more than before. Fenris never asked for help but after a couple of weeks, he felt utterly helpless. When the next fight at his house ended with his mothers yelling "get out and don't come back if you have it so bad here", he knew it was time to leave. He fulfilled his mother's wish - went straight to his room, packed some clothes, school books, took his skateboard and left without saying anything.

It was already two in the morning when he found himself on the street. The thought of visiting anyone didn't even cross his mind at this time. He wandered on the streets for a bit, trying to cool down his anger. He skated aimlessly, cleaning out his thoughts to the sound of the wheels. It calmed him and he felt calmest he's been in months, if not years. It was still very early then. There was a park close to his neighborhood where the boys would sometimes hang out, so Fenris went there. Luckily, he found some bench secluded by the trees where he could lie down, undisturbed by people. He managed to nap for almost three hours before he had to get up to go to school. At least the weather was on Fenris' side - it was warm enough that he slept quite comfortably just in his hoodie.

There was one teacher in the school that Fenris could trust. Mr. Kim taught them biology and was always on friendly terms with boys. He was quite suspicious about the bag (the thought of Fenris being a drug dealer was the first to cross his mind) but eventually, Mr. Kim let him convince that it's some stuff for the d&d game in Hawke's house that afternoon and allowed Fenris leave the bag in his office.

The school day was like any other. Fenris felt strangely calm about the whole situation and he enjoyed warm weather and pizza for lunch in the school cafeteria. He had no plan whatsoever but he was sure that all will be good now that he was far from his family. Fenris' quiet was abruptly disturbed when Hawke approached him with the bag from Mr. Kim's office in his hand. "Fuck!" he cursed loudly enough for Hawke to hear and his grimace became worried more than before. Luckily, they were alone, waiting outside for Anders and Varric but they were supposed to join very soon.

"Mr. Kim had to leave earlier and gave me this since we're going to play at my house tonight." Hawke looked worriedly at Fenris, not knowing what to say. He was battling with his thoughts - was he supposed to confront Fenris? - but decided that lying is a big red flag to ignore it since Fenris hated doing it. "What's the matter? Why'd you lie to him?" 

Fenris' face was stiff, frozen with an indecipherable grimace on it. He cleared his throat, trying to quickly come up with some excuse. "It's nothing." He shrugged his shoulders, pulled out his bag from Hawke's hand a bit too forcefully.

"Fenris, I just want to help!" 

Fenris looked at Garret, angry. He had no clue what to do now - would it be better to tell him or to walk away? He wanted to just leave, to leave Hawke and his worried frown behind, to hide somewhere safe, but he was aware that this place didn't exist for him. He knew that telling Garret was probably the best choice - how's he going to live on the streets? The situation thankfully solved itself before he reached any conclusion when Varric and Anders approached them. They were both chatting with smiles on their faces, laughing for some joke about Star Wars, from what Fenris overheard. Now he knew he needed to act quickly. He could have swollen telling Hawke and maybe getting some help from him even though he frantically wanted to avoid it but telling Anders or Varric was much worse. Anders was, well, himself and Fenris didn't trust him enough to say even a bit about his house and he knew that Varric had enough on his plate. He couldn't say anything. "It's nothing, Hawke, leave it," he said dryly, turned around and left quickly.

Hawke, stunned, didn't know what to do. Varric shouted something after Fenris, seeing him leave, but got no response. "What's with the bag?"

"What's up with him?"

Hawke tried his best to mask his concern. He laughed a bit too nervously, but none of them seemed to notice it. "Oh, it's just some d&d stuff. He went home."

-

Fenris spent some time at a cafe and later in kfc. He ate, studied and rested till dark when he decided to skate around for a bit. This helped his wind down after seeing how worried Hawke was that day. Fenris hated leaving Garret like that the most about that situation. The situation itself wasn't too bad, right? He had some money and quite secluded, not so bad spot to sleep. The weather was nice and it shouldn't rain for some time. It was all far from perfect, but it was a small price to pay for being free from his family. It was already near midnight when Fenris decided to go to the park. The day left him fatigued and he barely walked at that hour. His bag, backpack, and skateboard weren't helping. When he was in the park, there was someone near walking around. Initially, Fenris thought that it may be Hawke - their shape looked quite similar - but he just shrugged. It was already the middle of the night, what would Hawke do there? But before reaching his spot between the trees, he heard his name being called by no one else than Garret himself. Fenris sighed quietly when turning around, too tired now to escape Hawke again.

"Fenris, are you okay?" Hawke's voice was trembling with worry. Fenris just nodded slowly, his whole body shaking from fatigue. "Oh for God's sake, give me that." Garret put the bags on his shoulders, took the skateboard and embraced Fenris tightly. He sighed, stressed out, tightening the hug, mostly to calm himself down. "I was so worried. I thought you left us for good."

Fenris just stood there, not knowing what to do and too tired to think too much. "I'm sorry," he just said quietly to Garret's shoulder.

"Don't apologize. You're coming with me, now."

Fenris stepped back, concerned. "I'm fine, Hawke. I don't want to impose."

"You won't. My mom parked near and expects me to bring you home tonight." He smiled encouragingly. "I know it's not ideal, not fun, but you're welcomed at our place for as long as you need."

Fenris just stood there startled. Once again, he didn't know what to do. "I don't think I should," he whispered.

"You most definitely should. Come," Hawke said delicately and reached out to grab Fenris' hand and hauled him in the direction of a nearby street, to a car parked there.

Fenris was quiet but when they sat in the car after putting all his things in the car trunk, he spoke immediately, his voice hoarse and quiet. "I'm so sorry for your trouble, Miss Hawke."

"Nothing to worry about, sweetie. Let's get you home." Leandra smiled and gripped Fenris' arm reassuringly before starting the engine.

Fenris went straight to sleep when they reached Hawkes' home. He slept on a mattress in Garret's small room, having Garret's bed at his fingers. Fenris slept like a log till his parents visited his dreams. He was experiencing it all again - the fights, slaps and the whole horror of living under the same roof with them.

He woke up abruptly, all sweaty. He immediately panicked, not recognizing where he was and hurried to the nearest wall, looking for a light switch. The commotion woke Hawke up and when the light turned on, he already sat up, confused.

"What's wrong?"

Fenris realized he was crying from the nightmare. He growled, wiping tears from his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I just had a nightmare, it's fine."

"I see it's not fine, Fenris. Come here." Hawke's voice was hoarse but warm and calm when stretched his arms. Fenris sighed helplessly, turned the lights off and embraced Hawke. He hated it but lying with Hawke did really make him feel better. They lay in each other arms, Fenris shaking from quiet sobbing, Hawke stroking lightly his hair until they fell asleep.

Garret reluctantly woke up when Leandra came to make sure they wouldn't oversleep after such a challenging night. Fenris was harder to wake up. Hawke hated to do it knowing how little sleep Fenris would get in his house. He often fell asleep during classes or even while hanging out with the rest of them, spending the night at Hawke's house countlessly. Garret would be happy to let Fenris sleep it all off but the school might call his parents if Fenris didn't show up and it sounded like a very bad idea. Hawke managed to wake Fenris up and both of them were on time at school.

At first, Varric and Anders didn't notice anything. They probably assumed that Fenris slept at Hawke's as it happened quite often. They played d&d that afternoon and Fenris staying after the game in Hawke's bed wasn't so weird, either. Sure, Anders made some stupid joke, as if Garret was supposed to have sex with Fenris, but it was quite common, too. They all just laughed. 

Fenris' nightmares haunted him every night. Every night he'd wake up, all sweaty and scared. Hawke always woke up, too. They didn't talk then, Hawke just moved to the side, making space for Fenris to join him. Fenris was already hugging Hawke, trying to calm down. After they lay together, the rest of the nights were calm. After a few nights, Garret just pulled Fenris with him when they were going to sleep. After a week, they put the mattress with duvets in the attic and since then they always slept together.

It took Varric four days to start suspecting that something was going on. He said nothing at first, partially expecting Hawke to break and confess that yes, he was dating Fenris. Plus it was fun to watch Anders completely oblivious. After around a week, Fenris started wearing Hawke's clothes. He always wore oversized shirts and hoodies, but there was still a big difference. He was drowning in some of them and at that point, even Anders noticed the change. Still, it took him another few days to connect the dots when he saw Fenris wearing a t-shirt with a dragon print, his gift to Hawke. "Shit guys, are you really sleeping together?" he asked, puzzled. 

"Why would we," Hawke just laughed, dismissing Ander's question. 

Garret didn't want to say too much, he waited for Fenris' reaction but Fenris was silent. Later that day, when there was just the three of them - Varric, Anders and himself - Hawke briefly explained the situation saying just enough to shut them while not revealing much about Fenris' family.

Fenris didn't bring a lot of clothes to Hawke's house and at first, he didn't want to be much of a burden so he just stole Hawke's clothes. Later, Leandra would take him shopping and Fenris ended up having much more than he used to. After graduating, Hawke and Fenris went to college together and shared a room there, too. They started dating very soon after graduation hence they never really stopped living together. All this time, Fenris never stopped stealing Hawke's clothes. First, he obviously looked good in those, pairing big shirts with skinny jeans and secondly, they were very comfortable. And made him feel like Hawke was hugging him all the time which was very nice, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes young Fenris was a skater boy I'm not even sorry


	7. cosplaying

Everyone in their group loved Tolkien's books. Only Aveline didn't grow up reading them but she quickly caught up when joining through their WoW guild. She loved it from the first pages. Later they would all watch both of Peter Jackson's trilogies all together using some website that allowed them to watch it at the same time. Only rarely they were able to watch something sitting together since some of them were living in different cities. It started as their tradition to do those marathons at the beginning of summer every year, but they ended up watching it much more often. 

When most of them were still at college, there was a fantasy convention close enough that all of them could attend. Everyone planned to prepare a cosplay. Fenris and Hawk spent hours looking for the perfect cosplay for them. It was going to be their first cosplay as a couple and ideally, they'd love to dress up as a couple but they wouldn't complain about dressing up as friends (who would be probably shipped by the fandom, anyway). The choice was not easy but eventually, they decided to do Bard's and Thranduil's costume from _The Hobbit_. They weren't so sure about it firstly and Anders did his job to pinpoint the biggest difference - Thranduil was taller than Bard while Fenris was significantly shorter than Hawke - but Fenris just shrugged his shoulders at it. He already had platform shoes, which wouldn't make him as tall as Thranduil should be, obviously, but they made him eight centimeters taller which were more than enough for Hawke who he didn't care about it at all. For him, Fenris would make a great Thranduil with or without platform shoes. They were doing it for fun.

There was a month left until the convention so they tried to work on their costumes every day. Of course, with university stuff, working part-time (Hawke worked in a bakery and Fenris in a bookstore) they woke up a week before the convention with cosplays barely started. Luckily, they had all they needed. For the rest of that week, they slept very little, missed a few classes and Fenris had to ask Varric to cover his shift but they finished all just in time to nap before Friday classes and drive to the convention straight after. Fenris made only one cosplay before - he dressed up as his elf warrior from WoW - so they had little skills but in the end, they were very satisfied. 

They wore their costumes on Saturday. The first day was very frantic, they went to the convention center just to get a general idea how it looks, where to find food, merch, panel rooms and restrooms. Later they checked into their Airbnb and spent the evening and the most fo the night catching up with the whole group. They hadn't had an opportunity to meet in the whole squad for months before so the emotions kept them up. Meeting in person was always very exciting even if they talked through the voice chat regularly.

Saturday was the big day. Tired as they were for sleeping so little for the last week, they got up early to put their cosplays on. Everyone in their group prepared some sort of costume - Merrill was Sylvanas Windrunner, Isabela dressed up as Storm from the _X-Men_ comics, Sebastian prepared an amazing costume of McCree from _Overwatch_ and the rest just made some costumes fitting in the fantasy theme of the convention. Anders was a mage, and the rest jus prepared some cool clothes inspired by many different characters. The morning was very chaotic. Their Airbnb was quite big, it has three bedrooms - they slept three in each - and a huge living area with kitchenette. It was all a huge mess. Their costumes were everywhere, someone would trip over some lost shoes every couple of minutes and the yells stopped only after a chaotic hour and a half when everyone was finally ready after finding parts of their costume lost in someone else's suitcase. "Damn, you all owe me a huge one," Isabela sighed, tired already after doing almost everyone's makeup. Hawke helped her tidy all the make-up supplies while the other was finishing getting ready.

They walked around a mile to the convention center (the building was actually some university's school of humanities). It was already crammed. They split, seeing that it would be unable to walk comfortably in the group of nine, Fenris went with Hawke to see some merch while others explored other parts of the building. They agreed to meet four hours later in the food court to share the experience and to eat together (they enjoyed it immensely and always tried to eat in the whole group). The second they parted, Fenris and Hawke were surrounded by strangers. They were asked for a couple of selfies, someone photographed them posing in their character. Hawke was delighted and thanked every person for approaching them. Fenris looked more intimidating (some people around actually looked a bit scared of him; most of those approaching them talked to Hawke firstly or to Hawke only) but he was enjoying it, too. Despite not liking to focus the attention on himself, he liked compliments about their costumes - he was proud of the work they put in them. And posing with Hawke was fun, acting like Thranduil wasn't very difficult for him, not at all - he thought he was quite similar to the character.

The day went on. They met the rest of their group to eat together. A few strangers interrupted their meal to take photos or to complement their costumes but they managed to rest. After that, Fenris and Hawke left to just wander the convention area, curious about everything. They walked holding hands like they usually do, comfortably chatting about their surroundings. Some strangers approached them every couple of minutes, asking for selfies or for posing. To Fenris' and Hawke's amusement, they encountered quite a lot of people shipping Bard with Thranduil. They asked for specific poses, mostly hugging and kissing. Someone asked Hawke to carry Fenris bridal-style. One photographer asked there to be in a specific room the next day, luring more characters from _The Hobbit_ to do a photo shoot. They agreed, happy to participate.

They didn't go to watch any of the panels. They wanted to see the one Merrill was talking about - about the creation of the WoW universe - but they got distracted by other cosplayers, merch on display and constant asks for selfies. Many awesome cosplayers attended the convention, too. Hawke approached at least a dozen of them asking varied questions: how much time did the costume take? oh, what's that material? oh man, you chose the best skin Ezreal has! (it was the explorer one) Hawke connected with a few of them on Instagram, promising each other to do a cosplay together sometime. 

At some point, it was too much for Fenris. His head started to hurt, his eyes were tired and with every stranger approaching them, he was becoming more and more annoyed. Fenris needed to leave the building for a while to rest. Seeing how much Hawke enjoyed being in a crowd full of other cosplayers, he waited a bit. He waited for Hawke to finish talking to some cosplayer with impressing orc cosplay and then grabbed his hand. "Hey, wanna go out for a bit?"

"Yeah." Hawke gave Fenris a peck on his cheek. "You're okay?"

"I'm fine, it just became a bit too much." He was already hauling Hawke towards the nearest door (or at least to where he thought they should be) avoiding people in the crowded hall. 

"Sure, I get it." Hawke opened and held the door for Fenris. 

They found a bench near and sat there, sighing. 

"Are you enjoying it?" Hawke asked, giving Fenris their water bottle. "I didn't see you in such a big crowd for months."

Fenris just nodded, drinking the water. "It's fun. I regret being apart from the rest, but that's what nights are for." They chuckled.

It was already evening and no one was entering the building. People were probably leaving at that time but the door they left through led to some woods so only a couple of people passed them. It was a bit chilly, but none of them minded - it felt nice after being in the crowd and their costumes kept them warm. Fenris put his head on Hawke's shoulder as they were chatting quietly about the convention. They laughed at that Barduil shippers, watching them kiss with glowy eyes and marveled at some of the cosplays they saw. They sat like that, talking when Sebastian, still in McCree's cosplay approached them, his camera in hand. "Guys, there's something in you." He showed them his camera's screen - photo of them he took seconds earlier, of them sitting on the bench comfortably, Fenris' head on Hawke's shoulder, both of them relaxed with smiles on their faces, Hawke's hands caressing Fenris' forearm.

"Damn." Hawke let out with an astounded sigh. The photo was pretty, it caught them looking so natural and relaxed. The colors were nice, too, it all looked amazing. "Sebastian, wow."

Vael just laughed. "Anytime, guys. I'm going to catch Varric, are you going?"

Hawke looked at Fenris questioningly. 

"Uh, I think I'd head to the hotel," he replied. "I'll probably get a migraine after that noise. But you go with Vael, Hawke."

"I hoped you'd say that, I'm knackered. We'll see you in the hotel Sebastian, okay?"

"Sure guys, Merrill's probably there already. See you later." 

They parted and shortly after they were in the apartment. Merrill was already there and she welcomed them the minute they entered.

"Aveline's sleeping, she had an awful toothache today, poor one," she said, visibly sad. "Please don't wake her up, I'd hate to see her in bed tomorrow, too." She lowered her voice and gestured to their kitchenette. "I made a veggie lasagna if you want to eat."

Hawke cheered visibly hearing that. He hugged Merrill, all cheerful. She laughed, overjoyed from making him happy. "We can watch something after? If you don't want to sleep yet.."

"Mhm, that'd be great," Hawke replied, his mouth already full of lasagna. He fed Fenris with his fork, to Merrill delight, and laughed seeing that she took a photo of them eating. He mumbled something but it was all jibberish because his mouth was full again.

-

They were more prepared for Sunday. Putting on costumes was easier and took them half the time, mostly because the parts weren't scattered in the whole apartment - Saturday morning taught them a lesson so everyone tried to keep their clothes close. Isabela broke and asked Merrill to help her with everyone's makeup and it saved a lot of time, too.

They had only a few hours of the convention left as it was closing in the afternoon. Fenris and Hawke barely made it to room 235 for the shoot they agreed to do with other cosplayers. It was great, Hawke was in the seventh heaven. They met amazing cosplayers, took nice photos and learned a bit both about posing for the photographer and about cosplay making, since they were beginners in both fields. There were more cosplayers doing _The Hobbit_ characters so the shoot took a while. They posed with elves and dwarves and took a couple of photos with each other, too. When they were done, they already had little time left before closing the building. The last hour was very frantic. They did some last-minute shopping, accidentally finding the best sales as people tried to sell as much as possible at that time. They took countless photos, again. They kissed, hugged and posed to please strangers with cameras. One girl asked Hawke to fake-propose to Fenris; the other brought her friend cosplaying Legolas to pose with Fenris.

The convention closed soon after. The whole group was so sleep-deprived that they barely made it back to their hotel. There they sat, tired in the living room sharing the excitement from the convention. They didn't have enough energy to get out of their costumes so they just sat like that, everyone dressed up and started planning which costume they'd do for the next event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so! at first I wasn't so sure about Hawke cosplaying Bard and just wrote it this way because I mentioned it in the first chapter that their first couple cosplay was Thranduil and Bard buuut I looked at some pictures and they don't look so different in comparison, even their height is very similar, Bard's supposed to be 6'?


	8. shopping

Oh, how Fenris despises clothes shopping.

Yes, it may be fun sometimes. He actually likes a lot to go thrifting with Merrill. It's fun and interesting, she has a really good taste and is able to find very interesting pieces and have never disappointed Fenris with her fashion choices. Isabela would sometimes join them when thrifting and he wouldn't complain. Isabela had a good eye, too. They both made picking clothes interesting and usually enjoyable.

But looking for clothes with Hawke was hard for him. Usually, they had to ask Merrill or Isabela for fashion advice since they were lost when it comes to picking clothes. (Anders isn't so bad at it, too, but much less likely to cooperate) Fenris learned some with time. He stuck mostly to good, tested settings and wore mostly black. His body's shape also didn't need much - most of the clothes' cuts fit him well. Hawke, on the other hand, had problems with clothes. He was heavyset and tall so usually, he'd have to spend hours trying to find clothes to fit his posture.  
They learned to never go shopping alone after failing miserably a few times. Fenris'd get irritated pretty quickly - by crowds, impatient or rude people, too bright lights or whatever else that was getting on his nerves. He got used to quick shopping trips so either Merrill or Isabela would accompany them not only to help Hawke with fitting but to keep Fenris in a better mood.  
Isabela was usually quicker than Merrill - she was more precise and of course, she trailed off to prolonged monologues much less often. So when Hawke recalled he needed a suit only seventeen hours before some distant cousin's wedding, Isabela was their choice. He wasn't aware he had gained so much muscle after buying the previous one. They rushed to the mall and Isabela was supposed to meet them in half an hour.

Sadly, she had one, greatly noticeable flaw - she was never on time. Usually, they'd wait, but the clock was ticking, it was already six in the afternoon and they were supposed to be already driving in eleven hours maximum so they tried to find something on their own. Fenris got irritated almost immediately. The store was huge, it was twice too bright and he didn't like the tone of a lady that welcomed them in. Time was passing, Hawke tried on five different shirts but none fitted. They were both nervous - tired from a busy day, stressed by looking at their watches, irritated at Isabela. Hawke's mother was nagging him via texts reminding him every hour about the suit and they both had enough.  
It was Hawke's idea to hide in the fitting room, luckily big enough for them to sit comfortably on the floor. They sighed, tired and Fenris looked at his phone feeling it vibrating in his pocket. "She's supposed to be on her way now."

"She better be, I can't do it without her." Hawke was going through stuff in his bag, full of groceries and some documents left there after visiting the bank on that day. He took out a bag of Oreos with a victorious "ah!" and opened it, immediately eating one. "Oh, I needed some sugar." He passed the bag to Fenris, who was also desperate to cheer himself up.

They munched on Oreos when Isabela called Fenris. "I'm inside," she said, panting. "Where are you guys?"

"We're in the fitting room of the shop with this fancy French name."

"Come out of it dorks, I'll be there in a minute."

"Hawke, let's go." Fenris put sweets back in his back and they got up, Hawke groaning.

Isabela was already in the shop when they came out. "Heeey, my favorite clothes hunters! Come come, guys." She hugged them both together tightly. "Sorry, I swear the traffic's just crazy in the town..."  
She headed first between the clothes, guiding them both. Fenris trailed off pretty quickly. He stopped paying attention, stopped thinking about the clothes he was looking at. He checked his phone, sent a few texts, took a photo of Isabela and Hawke and sent it to their group chat. They looked far from finishing so he skipped to Facebook. Nothing interesting there. He checked Instagram.

"Hey, Fen, do we want a lilac shirt?" Hawke called him, presenting the shirt.

"It's pretty, but isn't your aunt strangely homophobic?" Hawke groaned and put it back already. "No, don't get me wrong, Garret. You know I don't care about her but I wish we could have fun tomorrow. Try the shirt on, buy it if it fits, it'll look good and Merrill will love it, but I'd choose a different one for the wedding."

"You're right, isn't he right?" Hawke asked Isabela and took the shirt from the rack, visibly cheered up. "He's always right."

Fenris smiled and looked on his phone knowing too well that to withstand the whole shopping trip, he needed to distract himself. He was too close to losing his shit and they simply didn't have enough time for it then.

There was nothing interesting on Instagram. Merrill responded to his photo on the group chat with a short "ohh good luck" followed by a long line of different emojis, some barely understandable to Fenris.

"Merrill's wishing you good luck, guys," he passed the message and Isabela cooed as a response. Fenris raised his brow. "How do you expect me to convey that response?"

Isabela just laughed and said something to Hawke, showing one of the blue shirts hanging next to them. Fenris sighed and texted Merrill back: "Isabela just cooed when I passed the message, interpret it yourself."

Hawke called him over to the fitting room so Fenris followed, putting his phone in the pocket. "Try the lilac one first."

Hawke did and it fit very well. Isabela applauded, Fenris nodded and Hawke put on another one, cheered a bit. None of the next three blue shirts fit but Isabela immediately left, looking for a different size. Garret used the time to up his sugar with Oreos. "Hey, do we need to do anything else before leaving?"

"Nothing apart from dropping Philip to Merrill today."

"Okay. That'll be quick."

Isabela was back with a few shirts but gave only one to Garret. "I'm pretty sure this will be the one, god helps us," she said with confidence.

It was, in fact, the one. Hawke looked at him, unsure if he's correct to think so and then sighed, relieved. Isabela cheered. "Are we leaving already?" Fenris asked, shook a bit.

"Yeah, it was pretty fast," Hawke laughed.

He changed into his clothes while Fenris paid, both rushing to get home quickly. Isabela said something about getting drinks but they quickly responded in unison: god no, they only had a few hours left before waking up. She offered to help with packing, but it was already done, they just wanted to go to sleep. So they parted and drove at their place a few minutes later.

"Oh hell," Fenris groaned. "Can we please agree to never do the shopping the day before?"


	9. in battle, side by side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot believe I didn't write in so long goddamnit  
> also it is not a modern au2

It was no mean feat for them - just another bandits, everything too similar. The place looked the same as any other. The ambush started on the road - it was a cart with supplies that they planned to attack, but they got warriors with rouge and a mage instead - and a few wounded bandits ran between the woods. (Typical.) The camp wasn't far from the road and it wasn't bigger than most. A few tents and a few fires. Dogs were running freely between them but got scared the minute they heard wounded bandits' screams. The horses - tied to some rope stretched between two trees - were scared, too. Having nowhere to leave, they started neighing and kicking.

It was all nothing new for Fenris and Hawke, who were already used to fighting together, side by side and to have Anders and Varrick beside. They were a good team. Everyone knew what to do and did it well, every one of them was also ready to save others, even if it meant sacrificing themselves.

The fight was like any other, too. The four of them hid in the cart targeted by the bandits. The bandits had been noticed alongside the road the cart took each way so orders Hawke got for the group were to hide in the cart and wait for it to be attacked, literally. It felt hideous. Anders and Fenris hated being crammed in a small space together. It was awful for them all but luckily, on their third trip, the cart stopped abruptly, way before reaching its destinations and they heard muffled shouts from the outside.

They all looked at each other and nodded - that was it.

Varric, ready to act, already feeling adrenaline in his system, kicked the cart's door open and before anyone left it, he already shot a bandit who had the luck to stand the closest. Fenris and Hawke drew their swords, charging towards the outlaws. After clearing a side of the road, Anders and Varric stood there and Hawke with Fenris was in the center of the fight. They stood back to back, protecting each other. Their moves were quick and precise. The group of bandits wasn't big - they were done in minutes. Varric killed another man, but he shot no more afraid to hit Hawke or Fenris in narrow space of the road. Anders, on the contrary, took the time to stretch a bit and to take a few, deep breaths of fresh air. He glanced at the fight. Hawke and Fenris were alright, bandits were dead, besides those two wounded, who were already between the woods, running. Varric whistled and shouted: "We've got two runners!". Hawke and Fenris looked at him, panting and noticed running men.  
"You're okay to run?" Hawke asked quietly, concerned. Fenris just nodded, grinding his teeth. They went after the bandits, running between the trees, tripping over the endless roots in the narrow space. Just when they lost sight of the bandits between the trees, they heard barks and yells. "We're close!" Hawke shouted and outran the rest. Fenris was after him, shielding Anders and Varric, but was unable to go faster.

They saw the camp between dense woods, standing in a clearing. There were a few tents, a few clouds of smoke rising from the fires. There was a huge mess - men running and yelling, some escaping, others grabbing things from inside the tents. The barking of scared dogs was coming from between the woods. Horses were making a lot of noise, neighing from fear. A couple of bandits tried to mount them, but fell immediately, adding pain cries to the chaos.

Hawke went in between the tents and started attacking bandits running around. Fenris, already hurt from the first fight, limped to join. Hawke looked around, locating Fenris in the fight. He was not far, they both always stayed close, always kept an eye on each other, controlling the situation, ready to step in if necessary. Hawke knew Fenris well so he knew how Fenris despised being hurt and showing it to anyone. This time, however, Fenris couldn't mask it like he always does. The wounded leg from the first fight couldn't be ignored. His limp and noticeably slower moves made it hard for him to fight well, making him angrier every minute. Fenris was sure that Hawke saw his state but there was no way for them to communicate in the noise they were surrounded by. It made communication with Anders even less possible. Fenris was too weak to even try reaching Anders or shouting, whatever. Blood loss made him feel dizzy, his feet weren't grounding him well. He could fall any minute.  
Luckily for him, Anders was watching them from the distance, trying to control the whole mess of a battle happening between the tents. He was standing on the edge of the clearing with Varric beside him, shooting bandits that decided to run. The mage saw Fenris barely dodging bandits' attacks, struggling to keep his sword up and cast a spell quickly to heal him.

Fenris felt a wave of heat flowing through his body. He amended his grip, feeling instantly better and charged with new force. Hawke's cheers joined the cacophony around them. Varric shouted merrily, throwing his fist in the air.

"Bloody well done, Blondie!" He laughed, seeing Fenris run around with new vigor. "You should do that shit every time, look at him running around like an excited puppy."

Varric's comparison wasn't far from being right. Fenris indeed started to run around very, very quickly, even reaching some of those bandits that tried to run away. He felt powerful and attacked enemies without too much thinking. He felt invincible, jumping from one bandit to another. His moves - now quicker than before - reached enemies aiming infallibly to kill.

The bandits were all dead within a couple of minutes after casting the spell. Fenris, disoriented, ran around looking for a new target.

"Hey, is he even conscious?" Hawke asked Anders, looking at Fenris worriedly. "Should he react like that?"

"He may not be entirely conscious," Anders admitted. "Depends on his blood loss before."

"What the hell."

Hawke ran to Fenris and forced him to stop, gripped his arms tightly. "Fenris!" Fenris mumbled incomprehensibly. His eyes were looking around rapidly and his breath was short and shallow. "Anders!" Hawke shouted, shaking Fenris by his arms. "Don't just stand there!"

Anders cursed under his nose, quietly and started casting another spell. A green, faded cloud surrounded Fenris' head while Anders was muttering the spell. He stopped and the cloud dissolved into the air. Fenris fell, suddenly feeling fatigued. Hawke grabbed him before he'd hit the ground and laid him gently. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Fenris grimaced, already sitting up.

Anders crouched next to him and searched his neck for the pulse. "He'll be alright. The wounds are healed, he's just tired. Give it a day or two."

"Well that was surely weird," Varric muttered under his breath, startled. "I doubt town folks would even believe if I'm honest."

Anders giggled and stood up, stretching out. "Alright Varric, let's go search the tents. I just wanna go back. Hawke, watch Fenris, he may puke."

"Bloody mage, what did you do?" Fenris gnarled.

"Nothing new, you coped well with this spell a few times." Anders shrugged his shoulders. "Next time lose more blood and you'll go so insane I won't bring you back."

Fenris snorted and muttered something, too quietly for anyone to hear. Anders and Varric were already in the camp, searching for anything valuable. Hawke sat worriedly next to Fenris and kept an eye on him.

"I'm fine!" Fenris snapped angrily and sharply stood up. His eyesight went dark immediately and he barely stood, feeling like he was falling down. "Bloody mage..." he muttered, walking slowly to horses tied near the camp. Hawke knew well enough to leave Fenris alone and went to search the tents but checked on the elf a few times. He seemed to feel better so Hawke was calmer.

The camp was left messy and almost completely empty so they left quickly, taking the horses calmed by Fenris with them. The cart they used as bait was waiting for them like they decided on with the man who drove it. "Oh man," the man exclaimed, seeing them leaving the forest. "I was sure I won't see yous back." Hawke talked to him, calming him down while Varric was tying the horses to the cart with Anders. Fenris already sat inside, not feeling completely well. Hawke joined him and Varric with Anders sat next to the man who steered the horses. The dwarf started telling the story of their fight (which was of course horribly overemphasized) before they even set off.

While they were driving back to their camp, Hawke looked worriedly at Fenris, looking for any sight of him feeling worse. "I hate it, you know," he said silently, caressing gently Fenris' palm between his fingers. "I hate having to be ready to lose you every time we're fighting."

Fenris looked at him, unable to respond to it. He held Garret's hand. "That's who we are, Hawke. But as long as I can decide, I'm staying with you."


	10. dragonling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write awfully rarely, sorry  
> this is again the canon universe and the dragon hunt was kinda inspired by the one described in one of the witcher's stories

The dragon hunt lured a small crowd to the mountains. Everyone wanted to try - humans, elves, dwarves, an army, mercenaries, and even a few peasants too dumb to know better. The hunt was dragging on for days, downgrading everyone's morale. Fenris and Anders were almost not talking at all. They lingered, too grumpy and dissatisfied to say anything but few mutters, barely audible to anyone. Merrill was cheerful as always, but even she was visibly exhausted. She and Varric tried to cheer others up, but without any results. Isabela trailed off to other groups for some amusement. The crowd was awfully quiet and nervous. Members of different groups picked up stupid fights, stole others' supplies. Two people died - one from being pushed down the abyss they passed during the second week after a political dispute. The second death was caused by revenge - dwarves kill their folk's murderer. The fight after was chaotic and it fell quiet only after a few templars threatened to kill both of the bickering groups. The next morning, the humans' group that was first to lose their man was gone. They left at dawn, quietly enough so that no one woke up. Others sighed with relief, hoping this would be the end of fighting. 

It was, indeed, the end of fighting with each other. On the second day they encountered the dragon they hunted for so long. 

The creature appeared at the worst moment possible. They were moving camps, passing one of the many trails hanging above some unnamed abyss. The trail was narrow enough to make everyone aware of the danger below. On their right, high mountains were blocking them. Dragon arose at noon, attacking with the sun behind, staying unnoticed until it attacked with a deafening roar. Its fire slew half of the hunt participants. Those lucky to be standing panicked, rushing to ends of the trail. Hawke's group hid with Dalish elves, who immediately escaped further from the dragon, between the woods nearby. Hawke was left with his companions. 

"Hurry up, I want to see that bastard before it dies." Varric rushed to the trail, eager to cross it and reach the fight on the other side. Dragon reached other groups and, judging by the chaotic screams blended with the creature's roars, it was a losing battle. 

Sebastian was on the edge of the ledge they stood on, trying to see anything on the other end of the trail. "Stop right there, Varric." He reached his arm to stop dwarf from go in the trail. "It's collapsed, we cannot cross, at least not this way." The rest of the company stood next to them, looking at the path. 

Rocks had collapsed making a gap too big to jump across, just a few meters from the trail's end on which the fight endured. Isabela's curses and Varric's angry muttering blended with hellish screams heard over the gulf they stood upon. "Maker's breath," Sebastian muttered over and over, not being able to leave the spot, drawn to the fight's chaos. Anders's face went green and he hurried away from the group. He barely reached bushes a few meters away when he puked, bent in half.

"We should hide before the dragon comes here." Hawke's resounding voice shook the weird trans off his companions. They moved, suddenly aware of the anguish of those on the other side of the trail. 

"We should keep going," Sebastian interrupted the uncertain quiet. "The beast won't chase us until it fights."

"That we don't know," Anders argued. "We don't know the dragon. Or this part of the mountains."

"Let's just rest." Hawke sighed. "Maybe the dragon will leave after the fight. I'm not keen to meet it when trying to find a way back."

The company took shelter among trees the Dalish run into previously. Elves weren't far from them. They rested among the trees in Hawke's sight. He saw them from the place he chose to set up a small camp. They didn't start a fire, not wanting to draw the beast by the smell of the smoke it would generate. Companions sat under the trees silently, processing what they just experienced. The forest didn't muffle the chaos of the fight completely - the cries and roars were still too loud to ignore.

"Ahh, fenedhis!" Hawke heard Fenris muttering angrily. He looked at him, worried. 

"Fenris is something - "

"It's just a cut," Fenris interrupted. 

"Let me help you." Hawke groaned, moving closer to Fenris' left ankle. There was a cut, right above the bone. Not dangerously deep, but deep enough to bleed continuously and cause problems with walking. Hawke took a cloth Fenris was feebly pressing against the wound. The elf sighed, relieved, and leaned on the tree trunk behind him. 

Hawke patched up the wound in silence, seeing how drained his companion was. Fenris rested with his eyes closed, too mentally and physically exhausted to move. After putting on bandage in a way that would stabilize the ankle, Hawke put Fenris' shoe back on. "It's done." Garret sat next to him, embracing him with one arm. Fenris adjusted, putting his head on Hawke's shoulder.

"Ma serannas," the elf thanked quietly. Garret squeezed him tighter, kissing his head.

"Anything for you."

\- 

Cries of those fighting with the dragon made everyone restless. They sat and lied down under the trees, trying to get any rest. Fenris and Isabela even napped, but terrifying sounds from the other side of the trail made their sleep awfully shallow, not allowing them to wind down.

When the noise suddenly stopped, everyone moved nervously. "Is it over?" Merril whispered, audibly only to Isabela, sitting next to her.

"I don't know."

Fenris stood up, hesitantly trying his left ankle. The pain was small enough to bear it so he walked outside the trees' shelter and looked around. The sky was clear. Fenris approached the trail, looking down and at the mountains on the other side of the path. No sight of the beast. He noticed no one at the end of the trail and he didn't hear anyone. Sebastian joined him, scanning their surroundings.

"Where did it go?"

Before Fenris would answer, they both heard the dragon's cry. It stumbled to the abyss' edge, feebly shaking. Dragon tried to rise, flapping its wings, again and again, but without any results. Another cry of pain reached Fenris, together with Sebastian's gasp. Dragon shook visibly, stretching out above the gulf. It managed to rise, only a bit and with wings moving continuously, it flew for a few minutes before falling down in the depth. Its howl sent chills down Fenris' and Sebastian's spines.

"Did it die?" Hawke's voice reached them.

"Maker's beard, if it died, I swear -" Varric stood before the trees, too.

"It's dead," Fenris said coldly. "We're safe to go back."

Hawke informed others. They cheered weakly and grabbed their stuff. Garret scanned the woods, looking for the Dalish, but there was no sight of elves. "They're gone," Anders affirmed, seeing him lost, looking around. "I heard one of their scouts, sent to check on the dragon. Or us, who knows them." After a few minutes, the company could leave. They moved, lost at first, but Hawke quickly found a path running probably exactly the way they intended to find. They walked quietly, content that the hunt was over. Varric was constantly muttering quietly, trying to find the words for a tale he was going to create about the hunt. He asked Anders, who was closest to him, for finding the right vocabulary couple of times but, apart from that, no one else spoke. There was only one path, surrounded by dense forest and they didn't need to stop to readjust their direction.

They stopped, however, after a while to let Hawke piss in peace, so that he wouldn't chase them after. 

He was done, lacing his pants back when he noticed a clearing behind the trees. He approached it, intrigued. The clearing was big enough for a small house to fit and the grass had visible signs of huge foot imprints. Garret frantically looked for one last thing he needed to prove that the dragon's lair was nearby - a cave. He reached the rock wall closing the clearing and searched it. Cave was indeed there, hidden by a stone wall. Hawke cheered and rushed to his companions. 

"I found the dragon's lair!" He shouted, excitedly.

The exhilaration was stronger than fatigue. There was a chaotic movement but the company was ready to go in minutes. "Thank the Maker," Varric muttered, now consoled. 

"Your story's saved!"

The company followed Hawke to the clearing. The grass was tall enough to cover both Merrill and Varric, who were the shortest among the company, but dragon's imprints let them all cross the clearing safely, without getting lost or losing sight of others. "It didn't seem to be that big earlier," Isabela commented. They moved forward, eager to explore the cave.

"Oh, I just hope those Dalish elves didn't see it before." Varric kept talking, suddenly in a better mood.

"Trees are so dense that we would probably notice if their group was here before."

"Fenris, aren't elves lighter and wouldn't leave any signs?"

Fenris ignored their chatter and went ahead to join Hawke. "How's your leg?" Garret asked.

"I'll manage."

They reached the cave entry and hid their bags behind some loose rocks. Sebastian ignited a torch he prepared earlier but didn't use. "Is everyone coming in?" Hawke knew how tired they all were. Their uncertain location was sure stressful, too, and it could be too much for someone, which he'd absolutely understand. He wanted to take proper care of his companions. Yet everyone nodded in reply, excited to see the dragon's lair. After a failed attempt to fight it, everyone wanted at least to enter the cave. "Good. Let's go." 

Hawke went in with the torch in hand and others followed. At first, the cave was empty. However, there was a strange smell that didn't appear unnoticed. Few of the companions sighed, disgusted. "Maker's breath, what's that?"

"Do you think it may be poisonous?" Merrill put a cloth to her mouth, worried.

"Maker, could it be?"

"Fuck me if I die from some random stench. I didn't come all the way here to -"

"Shut up Varric, would you," Fenris hissed. "There's something ahead of us."

The company stopped and listened. There was something in the darkness before them. Whatever it was, it stretched the stone and... whimpered.

"What the..."

"Sounds like a lost pup," Isabela laughed.

"Can it be another dragon?"

"Some lost dragonling, at most." Fenris took the torch from Hawke's hand and marched towards the sounds' source. He didn't go far before he saw the creature that scratched and whimpered in the dark. "Oh, fuck me."

There was a dragonling ahead of them, dimly lit. "It looks scared," Merrill whispered, in a bit of awe, to which Anders smirked.

"It's a dragon, it's not scared of -"

"Looks like a, what did you say before, Isabela? Baby?"

"A pup, yes, thank you, Hawke, it does look like a pup."

They fell silent. The dragonling wasn't big - not even bigger than an adult deer would be - hence it scared no one. It did look scared. The whimpers didn't stop, its eyes were frantically jumping from one companion to the other. "Move the torch a bit closer, could you Fenris," Varric was barely noticeable to the elf, standing on the edge of the torch's light, however, his voice echoed in the cave. "I want to see its scales, the color." Fenris rolled his eyes but did as asked. When the torch was closer to the creature, its brown scales were visible to the company. "Fantastic, the story won't be that bad now."

"Should we kill it?" Fenris asked, eager to leave the place. They didn't have that much time, considering that they were literally lost in the mountains and dusk could surprise them at any moment.

"Would kill a scared pup, though?"

"Hawke, you know he would."

"Don't make it sound like a flaw, Anders. I say we should -"

Before Fenris would finish, the dragonling attacked. The torch fell on the ground when Fenris quickly drew his sword. The creature screeched jumping on Fenris, who stood the closest. The elf groaned when the dragonling kicked him off his feet. He blocked it with his sword, struggling to keep it at distance, the creature was strong and was constantly fidgeting, trying to bite. Hawke was quick to act. In seconds he hit the dragonling, too blindly for his liking. It whimpered from the hit but continued trying to reach for Fenris' head with its muzzle. Sebastian picked up the torch, improving Hawke's sight enough for him to clearly strike the creature's neck. The head fell off, the last screech echoed in the cave. "Fenris!" Hawke was on his knees, unsuccessfully trying to wipe the thick dragonling's blood off of Fenris' face. 

"Maker, you're alright?" Sebastian approached them and helped Fenris to hit feet with Hawke's help. The elf nodded, still breathless from the attack. "Let's search the place and get out of here."

They had one torch so only two people - Sebastian and Merrill - searched at a time. The cave was mostly empty, apart from a pile of bones in one corner and a pile of decaying meat in the other. Anders collected a few ingredients from the dragonling. Sebastian and Merrill found a few gold pieces, a candelabra, and a couple of pieces of jewelry. They were ready to leave in minutes.

The sun wasn't even going down when they left the cave. They used the time to set up a camp in the clearing's corner, using the rock and thick forest to protect themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing group scenes is sure hella fun but I still kinda can't


	11. to the cadaver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a very weird thing (sad thing)  
> the idea came across my mind the minute I read the poem - "to the cadaver" by j.a.Morsztyn, a Polish poet - and I've been subconsciously thinking about it for around 5 years now, weird

You lie here, dead, and you left me dead, too, despite sitting next to you. You were stroke with death's arrow, I - stroke with an arrow of love. Fluids had left your body, leaving it pale and numb to my touch. The latest suffering had left me pale, too, too mortified of the future without you, Fenris. In that we are alike. Vigil lights left by us beside you gleam feebly on your peaceful face. Was it your destination, the only way you can reach quiet? I am watching over you, suddenly peaceful, too. It feels as any feelings left my life with you. I feel no less dead than you, my dear.

There is a cloth that covers you from the word of living. My senses are closed in horrible darkness, withholding me from feeling anything. Your arms are strengthless and you will never hold your sword, laying now loyally by your side, you will never hold me, my dearest, you will never touch anything. My freedom and will to touch anything, to experience anything seems strengthless, too. Is there anything in the world worth experiencing without you by my side?

But you lay quietly, just as you would be avoiding saying the wrong thing. I miss your quiet, soothing voice already. Will I ever find another one, as comforting as yours, helping me cope? My tongue, differently, just cannot stop whimpering. I know I am not alone, I sense others' presence right behind me. Is it a hand I feel on my shoulder? It feels so familiar, for a second those fingers seem to belong to you and I whimper strongly, for a second. But then, the fingers grow unfamiliar. My shoulder is numb to touch of a body not belonging to you. You lay peacefully as if nothing hurt you. I sit still yet an atrocious agony cleaves deeply in my heart and soul. Your body is cold like ice while mine hurts as if it was in the deepest abyss of hell, burning with anguish.

You will shortly become dust, becoming one with dirt next to you. The thought of you being eaten by the smallest worms surrounding you is appalling yet I would give all gold in the world to join you, even if it meant being eaten, too. Everything is alright as long as I am by your side. There must be some force in the world that would allow me to lay beside you, cold and numb as you are. Yet this force remains unknown to me and I, bearing all of the elements of life, cannot turn to dust beside you.


	12. night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sad, I'm sad

Night air around them was stagnant and quiet. Hawke was sitting in the car with doors on his side open. Fenris stood next to the vehicle, slowly smoking a cigarette. "Hm, I would just kill for coffee." Elf nodded quietly, lost in his thoughts.

"Maybe we'll find an open café on the road."

"We could, yeah, it's only three in the morning."

None of them moved. Cold and spiky air surrounding them brought some distant noises, laughter, screams and car sounds. One of the abba's hits reached them faintly. "Do you remember the first time we watched _Mamma Mia_?"

"There's no way to erase seeing Isabela conquer Meryl Streep's role so easily," Hawke chuckled. "I miss her horribly."

"Me, too." Fenris' voice was quiet, barely audible. He took a drag of the cigarette. The heat illuminated his face briefly making his white tattoos glow in the dark. Somewhere in the distance, the first birds were waking up, singing to the rising sun. Party died between the woods, people seemed to be gone. "I like this hour." Another drag, another heat made his tattoos shine.

"We still have a few hours of road ahead, let's get going."

"And we should look for some coffee, too."

No one moved. Something howled in the woods, farther than they would be able to see in the daylight. The birds seemed happy. Fenris closed his eyes, listening to their tweets. "Blackbirds sing, too."

”Just like in her garden."

"Just like there, yes."

The last drag, the last outburst of light on Fenris' face. He dropped the cigarette's butt on the ground where it died instantly. Elf blindly leaned on the car's back door, sighing in the dark. "She'd love this moment. She'd ruin it completely, talking over the quiet. It would be perfect, with her."

Hawke reached over, taking his partner's hand. He caressed and kissed it gently. "She wouldn't wish for a better death."

"It doesn't make it easier for anyone, Hawke," Fenris said, growling quietly in the dark.

Garret's hand stopped, becoming stiff. He stifled a sob, wiping tears from his face with the other hand.

"I'm sorry, Hawke." Fenris kneeled before him, seizing his hands. "I know it is hard for you, too."

Hawke leaned his forehead against Fenris'. An abrupt sob left his mouth and he couldn't stop them any longer. Elf embraced Garret, kissing his head repeatedly. "Hush, then, hush. We'll manage, we'll be alright."

None of them moved in the dark, somewhere between the road and the woods with singing birds. The air was stagnant and refreshing. Hawke shifted in Fenris' arms, sniffling and wiping of tears.

"Let's not be late for the last meeting."

Fenris nodded, wordlessly. After kissing Hawke's temple, he stepped away, closing the car doors. Reluctant to leave, he stretched, breathing in deeply. He listened for the blackbirds and get into their car, igniting the engine.


	13. spread my ashes on the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well I just failed awfully

The swift wind roared between them, almost as if it was forcibly pushing them closer to the edge of the cliff, closer to the sea, to the strong waves below hitting the raw rock. There was not a lot of them - only a few, only the closest ones and Anders, who felt compelled to come. He could not distance himself that much. Dark clouds veiled them with heavy silence and heartbreak. There was rain in the air, its scent more distinct with each minute that passed.  Varric broke the quiet, holding up the urn. 

“Well, being as dramatic as she was, Isabela wanted a poem to be recited in this precise moment. Oh, we do have a playlist, too. Hawke, could you-?”

Soft music spread quietly across them. Wind, howling mercilessly, robbed them of most of the words and melody. Only snippets of the song accompanied Varric’s words as he took a handful of the ash, letting it slowly fall from his hand and fly with the wind. 

“ _Do not stand at my grave and weep, / I am not there. I do not sleep._ " He took another handful. " _I am a thousand winds that blow. / I am the diamond glints on snow._ " He laughed slowly, watching the ashes dance on the wind. The rest watched, somehow enchanted. Merrill's hand went to hold a small vial hanging on her neck, full of Isabela's ashes. Tears glistened in her eyes.

" _I am the sunlight on ripened grain. / I am the gentle autumn rain._ " Taking another portion, he swung his hand, making the ash form a shadowy halo around his head. Someone behind him laughed dryly, their chuckle blocked by a sudden sob. " _When you awaken in the morning hush / I am the swift uplifting rush / Of quiet birds in a circled fight."_ He sniffled, stopping with a hand in the urn, stirring the ash gently. Merrill gently approached him, placing a hand on his shoulder. She smiled at him faintly, kindness showing through tears the wind was seizing from her rosy cheeks. " _I am the soft stars that shine at night -_ " He stopped abruptly, heavy in his chest. A knot in his throat hurt, not allowing him to speak.

He broke, falling to his knees. Clutching to the urn between his arms, he sobbed, mumbling inaudibly soft words lifted by the wind. 

Fenris' steps drowned between cries of the wind. Kneeling before Varric, he reached for the ash. " _Do not stand at my grave and cry,_ " he recited calmly, letting the ashes go freely from his hand. His other palm covered Varric's trembling hands. " _I am not there. I did not die._ " 

The last of Isabela's remains were gone, soaring above the angry sea. The wind whispered between the witnesses, almost as if she was still amongst them. Distant lighthearted laughter reached them, comforting them in their grave. First drops fell on them, accompanied by a rumble of thunder, somewhere over the waves. Fenris caressed Varric's cheek, supporting him while they stood up. 

The downpour reached them as they all retreated from the cliff, but none of them minded. They walked quietly, each of them intently listening for that careless laughter in the wind, longing for some last words dancing in between the wind's howls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god how I love poetry  
> yes, the playlist exists, my friend made it for me when I mentioned that I want my ashes to spread while take me to church plays in the background. the recital (it's Mary Elizabeth Frye's) is an idea from an hour ago.


End file.
